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Post by Nameless on Feb 6, 2016 21:53:06 GMT
10 min silent sit
Breath focus; then musculoskeletal scan; back to breath; then Interoception scan (hollow organs/felt heart); then mentalization/objectification meditation
Breath focus not good at first; mind scattering but stuck with it; eventually said to myself "it's ok" or "I notice myself being distracted" and brought my attention back as lovingly as I could
Totally absorbed in either musculoskeletal or interoceptive scan (it was a couple of hours ago and I can't remember). Remember noticing something like "wow, I haven't noticed my body in a while" which was ironic doing a body scan. It felt like I was objectifying my body to the extent that it no longer belonged to me; like my focus was on something not-me.
It always feels good to "hold" my heart and sink into its rhythm for a couple of seconds - it's also been shown to help self-soothe in the face of strong emotions.
I've also been noticing slipping into something like an aim toward a cosmic consciousness. The integrated sense of the vast and infinitesimal. This is during the stage of my mentalization practice that I let my mind run with whatever for a few moments: thinking of gravity; the distance between our planet and the sun, other stars, the center of the Galaxy, other galaxies, all the way to the cosmic background and farther(?); the way our understanding of reality is tinted in part by our cosmic perspective; how historical spiritual views have been affected by the ideological lens regarding our cosmos (i.e. the change that occured through the heliocentric model); the sense of the vast accessed through something like breath focus or other meditations is happening on the "pale blue" dot that is so important and so... Inconsequential? Incidental? I have realized I like feeling a little meaningless. It doesn't sadden or depress me to feel cosmically insignificant.
Breath again I think. I don't remember mainly because the timer scared the crap out of me. It was on a tall shelf right by my ear.
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Post by Sindder Streg on Feb 6, 2016 22:54:40 GMT
Let the thoughts rip!! I'll respond to the earlier post soon.
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Post by Sindder Streg on Feb 7, 2016 3:18:37 GMT
I hope you achieve cosmic consciousness.
That says it all.
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Post by Sindder Streg on Feb 7, 2016 4:15:02 GMT
I also wanted to mention a version of name it and tame it. It's called the R.A.I.N method.
Recognize
Accept
Investigate
Non-identification
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Post by Sindder Streg on Feb 7, 2016 18:42:55 GMT
12:15am lying meditation 15 mins
Delicate process putting access concentration on the object. But it's always coming back to the object and coming back to concentration. It's how you attend, not what you experience. Keep at it!
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Post by Sleepy-Head on Feb 8, 2016 15:57:59 GMT
12 min mindful breathing this morning at about 5:30
Really hard to stay aware because I was so sleepy. Started having little half-dreams. Tried with my eyes old for a little bit with some success. Last 4-5 min were the most focused. Tried focusing on one inhalation or exhalation at a time. This has been very helpful for falling into the practice. Tried to just live for that inhalation or exhalation.
Reading a short book by Ajahn Sumedho in which he outlines the difference between and complements rich of vipassana (openly investigate - toward being awake) and samatha (concentration/absorption of a peaceful object - toward being aware) which seems to be relevant to our discussions.
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Post by Sindder Streg on Feb 8, 2016 18:34:45 GMT
Re: Vipassana and Samatha
Oh absolutely! That's my jam. Those are the main types of meditation I'm trying to learn and, optimistically, master over time. I just love this stuff so much! Vipassana has come more naturally to me in the past but I am quickly improving upon Samatha. I am coming at these from a Pragmatic Dharma angle. Hoping one day to teach this stuff as well.
I've meditated over the weekend and had a pretty good 40 minute session yesterday with a few shorter sessions too.
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Post by Sindder Streg on Feb 9, 2016 15:55:33 GMT
35 minute meditation - concentration on just sitting *not very thought out instructions
Stared off in 3rd Gear. Very existential. Fight or flight. It brought my whole being into it. Very embodied. Feelings were very raw. Anger, etc. Switched to concentration. Zero concentration for while then I naturally started searching for an object to be interested in. Found the dot. Super interesting. I want to see whats at the end of it. It's like chasing down a tunnel of being. I saw a faint jewel shape in the back of my skull. I was really concentrated. Entranced to a degree. Moving and shaking my body and head working the feeling around. I could feel waves of orgasmic bliss waiting to come over me but I didn't get there. (1st jhana)
I found out later that this tunnel is actually a very important part of concentration meditation and is a lead up to jhana. It is called the Sign, or nimitta. I never knew it was called this until I thought to check back to an article I read about something called the Sign but I didn't think that much of it. I always kind of thought it was part of my mind or the forefront of arising consciousness. I have seen it a lot actually.
When I get concentrated and it appears I am to hold onto it. Sitting with it for a long time is recommended. It is said once you can sit with it for a hour or 2 or 3 (!) you should be in 1st jhana. And from there can discern the qualities of jhana and can navigate in and out of jhana and master jhana. Then you can move up and up. Apparently I'm a lot better at concentration than I thought! Who knew?!
I am very excited and proud of these developments.
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Post by Admin on Feb 9, 2016 19:21:26 GMT
Very interesting. jhana is not part of my natural mental vocabulary when I reflect on a session or my mindfulness/meditation progress as a whole. My understanding of it is absorption to varying degrees. Haven't thought to categorize those degrees in my own practice, though I have been vigilant in tracking and distinguishing inter- and intra-session levels of absorption. The manifestations of focal points that have been anatomical for me have been led by my interest in neuroanatomy and physiology of the body. This has been very helpful to me for guiding what end up being insightful sits. At first, using this anatomical model of visualizing literal things in the body felt too scientific and not quite the right stuff for "absorption"; but as I continue feeling out the possibilities of just being what it is during the session (and the day) rather than trying too hard to filter my own direction and forcing my own experience to be something it isn't, I am noticing that even the regions of the brain and body are only divided and separated by names, functions, and boundaries when a person decides that it is so. These regions still do what they do (the amygdala still contributes to anger, the bladder still holds urine, the pre-frontal cortex still regulates, the fingernails still scratch), but the discrimination between one area or another is a choice that filters the experience of anatomy - thus these regions of the brain and body can be thought of as metaphorical just as much as the lotus in the heart or the chakras. Some find it offensive to have something they believe being called "metaphorical" or "mythical" or "analogy" or "symbolic". I think this is the ruinous effect of hard-assed science (and I LOVE science) - the thought that if something isn't "FACTUAL! LITERAL, DAMNIT!", then it is worthless. I have been led to have less faith in facts regarding spiritual matters (as opposed to how I turn the wheel as I parallel park for example) and to be less embarrassed to have faith in something that is "true" in part because of my co-constructive faith in it.
At any rate (that was a little tangential), good for you! I have have less of a chance getting to sit for longer than 15 or so min (I sat for 12 min this morning - pretty good experience despite my required effort to feel physically alert and awake at that hour. I also did yoga this morning during which I felt a strong connection with my breath and whole-body movements. I did feel small moments of absorption during sit, but that usually morphed into a sort of waking dream that I was certain was actually absorption in the breath. It was weird - like that confusion you mentioned in your dream when you are asleep and you are sure something is true. I was visualizing people, characters, and situations that played out as a plot that revolved around my breath and my striving toward absorption. Been trying to focus on sinking in to just one inhalation or exhalation at a time rather than just diving in and going for the long haul. Not sure if I like it or not - kind of liked feeling patient with the mind wandering - but it is easy to quick start the focus. I feel I can also do it better with my eyes open. By the way, I have been meaning to ask you what you thought about eyes open/closed. I have been strict eyes closed because of distractions, but the thought of being just here with eyes open - letting light interact with my eyes and brain in a regular way - while being absorbed in mindfulness of breath or openness or whatever would be awesome to achieve.
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Post by Sindder Streg on Feb 10, 2016 15:56:04 GMT
2/9 5:40pm 20 minute meditation - concentration on breath Settled posture. Stayed with breath at nose as best I could. Got up to okay concentration. Very calming. 9:30pm 20 minute sit - breath meditation Once I stopped straining my back, arching, I sat well. I was able to calm body and mind. It was a bit torturous before. By the end I was developing concentration better. 2/10 4:55am 30 minute meditation Transpersonal consciousness. Focused on posture. Very difficult but endured. Concentration was good - story like. 1 hour exercise walking *** I wanted to address a couple of things while I am thinking about it. Eyes open or closed? When I was sitting Zen style I would always have my eyes open. Now I go either way. I'm specifically doing concentration/samatha practice. If I'm falling asleep I'll open them up, if I'm restless I'll close them. Funny, either way can be a distraction to concentration if you "look". I focus my mind progressively on my posture, breath, or -now- the sign, if it appears. To label or not to label 'observing the self' as meditation I certainly have done lots of label-less observation of the self. Looking back, I do not think 'not' labeling it meditation is helpful at all. I think it is important to know what your mind is doing -even if it's observing itself. Especially so, because that's a fucked up place to get lost. You can develop a false sense of observation, where you're just thinking, not observing. This can cause all kinds of problems. I don't recommend it. Just make sure you know you're observing and not just thinking. From your journals it seems you haven't fallen into the false observation trap. Your descriptions would be full of thoughts, even deep thoughts, but little to no observation. Just something to look out for. Also, labeling it depersonalizes it. If you have a crappy meditation session you chalk it up as such but if it's 'you' who is crappy at an unspecified task. It can be very confusing and frustrating. Again, you're the therapist!  Transpersonal consciousness I just learned of this term and I think it helps describe often how I feel, particularly in ritual or meditation. I hope you are familiar with the term and I hope it explains some of my talk. I like the phrase 'transcends but includes'. Such as, awareness transcends but includes will, intelligence, emotions, and physicality. I'm still learning how the moment of satori fits into this, yet in a deep sense I already know. It was a doorway into a land where there was no door. It was like a moment of fire, of clarity; I would look at an object and there would be no object there. I specifically remember looking at Maddy and she wasn't there. In Buddhist terms, none of the five things I just mentioned are the self. Buddhism says there is no self in the 5 things but that the self is a process of all five together. Mistaking a self in one of the 5 things is the delusion of humanity. It's scary to let go but operating under this process-view of the self is so much better. Quite an upgrade. I suppose my vehement rantings are to say enlightenment, awakening, whatever you want to call it, exists and is possible. And also, especially to myself, don't stop meditating! Happy sitting, brother! |
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Post by Sindder Streg on Feb 11, 2016 2:56:47 GMT
9:20pm 30 minute meditation
Tried to follow breath. Didn't develop into much. Checked time and switched legs with 8 minutes left. Fell asleep. Felt like I thought I wasn't going to get concentration going so I didn't really try very hard.
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Post by Sindder Streg on Feb 11, 2016 19:11:18 GMT
7:15am 30 minute breath concentration meditation
Difficult at first but I persevered and by the end I was concentrating pretty well. I'm proud of myself because I didn't give up. I kept coming back to the breath over and over gain. Simple perseverance. Something, unfortunately, I'm not that used to these past few years.
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Post by Sindder Streg on Feb 12, 2016 14:52:40 GMT
7:00am 15 minute breath meditation
Stayed pretty well with the breath. Concentration not too strong but it was steady. Got it a little stronger toward the end but it didn't hold.
15 minute walk/jog
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Post by Admin on Feb 12, 2016 15:56:45 GMT
5 min mindful breathing
set timer for 15 min (all the time I had while my class was in art), but a teacher came in and talked to me the rest of the time.
Most proud of not feeling an aversion to stopping and talking instead even though I knew I won't have another chance to sit today. Also felt a great comfort in allowing distractions/wanderings to arise, be noticed, and fade. That felt good and made it a lot easier to go back to breath without accumulating frustration. Very little frustration even in second-guessing ("should I focus on breath or body scan to prepare myself for the students again?" "Should I try just being open now, or work on concentration?"). These second-guessings occurred, but I was able to observe them and live beside them while they stayed and then lovingly and gently guide attention with forgiveness back to breath.
Feeling a better grasp on objectivity/allowing objects to co-arise with my consciousness of them and intentionally not-judge.
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Post by Sindder Streg on Feb 13, 2016 15:48:24 GMT
10:50 PM 15 minutes meditation Used just sitting style. Solidified this approach then began coming present, concentrating on the present. I gathered my middle-level tools for concentration: F.A.D.E.– Faith, attention, direction, effort. With these I was able to hone in on the present and use to concentrate on. I worked my way through the first three levels. Level one was body felt. Once that solidified I went to level two. I could tell it was a level two because I went for a minute without distraction, using my FADE. Level 3 it's more mental where as level two was in the abdomen. Level three required more fade tools, constantly monitoring fade. At this point my posture became an issue because my breath was restrained. It was difficult letting it be smooth. Adjusted to sit higher. Breath became more natural but I was at the end of my time. Next time get that posture good sooner, yet I may not be able to get that fine detail without getting into it first. Happy Sitting! |
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