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Post by Admin on Jan 21, 2016 19:08:46 GMT
yeah, you've got to hanganoff that stroganover.
Definitely agree with connection b/w food and sleep (not to mention general grouchiness in the morning). If i consume later in the night, i don't sleep as well either.
I feel like an idiot when i have a hangover. Even if it was fun, but especially if I acted like a different person.
Little thing: tried some "mindful eating" today at lunch in a VERY loud cafeteria. Mostly used with my tart, orange-flavored hot tea. Pretty awesome. sipped slow. felt like my whole face was saturated with the taste (the tartiness helped that) and my whole body was dripping with a warm, soothing sensation - like my body was being filled with really finely ground, warm sand. Just took a moment, but it was a feeling that I imagine people mean when they say something was "grounding" or "centering". The noise didn't soften, but I could make more sense of it. Right after, I felt like my head just emerged out of a clean hot bath back into a crowded room... ("aaah, everybody's looking at me in the tub!")
Also tried to have a mindful moment smelling some really good smelling hand soap in the bathroom... sounds funny, but it is a really nice moment of remembering stuff like "i am here, smelling this, standing here, being this experience of smell". didn't work quite so well this time, but I've had better success in the past.
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Post by Admin on Jan 21, 2016 19:09:30 GMT
I don't know what your screen looks like, but one mine, we are on page 2 of this thread! way to go us!
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Post by Sindder Streg on Jan 22, 2016 4:08:02 GMT
9:45pm 15 min sit Concentration on breath and posture
Core definitely strengthening. Tried new posture tonight with legs folded underneath butt. Revealed how uncomfortable I had been before. Not flexible enough or strong enough for precious posture (Burmese style). Maybe wrong size cushion. Whatever it was this new posture allowed more mobility of core and that being so allowed more stability. Felt like I could stretch out vertically and actually breath freer. Concentration not great but that will improve when posture improves.
10:15 15 min sit conc on breath and posture
More easier breathing. Really feeling it. Still strained but waking up core, back, and breathing muscles. Concentration much better this go round.
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Post by Sindder Streg on Jan 22, 2016 13:10:22 GMT
6am
-Workout push-ups, super mans, and side bridges
-20 minute sit, concentration on posture
Got the most concentrated I have been in a while, maybe ever. Felt the vast potential of concentrated states. Posture strong and steady. Stillest I've ever been. Very stable. Moving up in levels of concentration required letting go of object and getting a more refined object. Can't wait to explore more. It's hard work but also relaxing. Not moving, concentrating, and breathing easy is relaxing.
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Post by Admin on Jan 22, 2016 14:06:38 GMT
8:something-8:something am (SNOW DAY!) yoga routine buffered between short (5-10 min) breath concentration in corpse pose
Did some handstand-prep exercises last night and a full 20-or so min yoga routine, so my arms are tired from working the new muscles.
Yoga was hard. I felt like I weighed 1,000lbs. when I would remember that I am on one step toward a yoga goal (improving arm strength and flexibility in order to hold up/manipulate my body in the ways i want: sitting comfortably in folded positions in order to relax whole body and lengthen spine/torso. Totally agree with importance of lengthening core/torso/spine (and amazing relief when it is accomplished) in order to breathe fuller, more comfortable, and with less distractions of bad posture.
Read about Ujjayi breathing last night: type of breathing that I have been using with yoga for a while but didn't know it had a name. controlled breathing. inhale through nose fully and slowly. exhale as though you were saying "ah" with throat open, lips closed and sort of hissing sound produced. Feels great to resonate with a rhythm of breathing during exercise, but I realized I was doing it unintentionally during breath concentration - not so good. First time little to no concentration. After yoga stretches, I released breath to do what it does, and concentration was MUCH better. Not quite as good as I have had it, but had my mind in a good place to accept not "nailing it" each time and instead feeling good about having improvement to strive toward and knowing that the pulling back from mind-wandering toward concentration is like working muscles in strength-training: contraction, relaxation, contraction, relaxation... TV on Daniel Tiger in the other room.
Going out to play in the sn-ice!
Super-mans, huh? Do you listen to the "whip 'n nay nay" while you do them?... I would. Talk about "Liberation".
Yesterday, I realized I had a really mindful day. Felt really good, encouraging and exciting. Like a new way of living. Checked LOADS of automatic responses/reflexes/reactions. Felt more receptive and accepting of broken prior expectations and able to return to emotional baseline more quickly than usual.
Still have intensions to add to Love thread. Excited about discussing, but need a little more sit-down-and-type time.
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Post by Sindder Streg on Jan 22, 2016 23:21:02 GMT
Mindful days are good!
Mostly ice here. Still fun.
5:15pm
30 min conc on posture
The session became centered around stretching and strengthening lower back. Sat cross leg (Burmese style) first. Noticed I have to become much stronger and more flexible to become efficient in this pose. Full lotus is a long term goal. Next sat with legs folded under (sieza). Still working the back as in the previous lose. Laid down in corpse pose. Did some back stretching and core strengthening here. Laid still for a bit. Kath walked by and snickered. Upset I couldn't remain still as I turned my head and I knew she would do/say something. Sat back in sieza for remaineder of time, mostly still.
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Post by Sindder Streg on Jan 23, 2016 14:32:09 GMT
8am 20 minute sit Motionlessness
Sat as still as possibly in Burmese. Really concentrated on core and back, holding tight. Set time for 30 minutes. Made it almost 20 before interrupted by Luke. Shocked to see over 11 minutes left on clock. Gave up. Made pancakes. I'll keep trying in posture.
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Post by Admin on Jan 23, 2016 18:38:03 GMT
Walked outside alone to drink a cup of coffee in the snow about 30 min ago. Listening to ear candy (two door cinema club - disco-y dance-like music...I'm not ashamed). Felt very relaxed. Concentration on breathing and standing with best possible posture first (imagined I was a marionette puppet with string from crown of head holding me up and my body hanging from that point). Standing as tall as possible without being rigid. It helped that my coat was form-fitting and snug above my waist (at the waist and it feels stifling) because I was super-aware of all torso movements/adjustments as well as breathing. Attempt to open senses to as full an experience as possible to 1) sounds I noticed -including music; and 2) cold on my skin - without being taken over by "self being cold" and allowing conscious observation of "cold" or even "being cold itself". Opened my eyes (admittedly, to not look weird if someone saw me) and noticed all I could see Loose focus to allow all sight to enter eyes and be interpreted by mind. Contemplated what sight is. Billions of trillions of sub-atomic particles ("particles" being at this level of physicality actually just fields of probability; not-quite-localized areas of quantum-stuff; clouds of possibility) SLAMMING my retinas at 300,000 km/sec after having travelled God knows how long (forever?; since the beginning of space-time?) to be re-utilized as light waves-particles eventually settling in my field of vision on this day on this point in my efforts to now myself and my mental/physical/spiritual environment more fully. The automaticity of my eye muscles - the fastest acting muscles in my body; the nature of my perceived reality being (ironically just described as "my reality" not "the reality") purely co-fabricated by my own mental constructions of it. The interpretation of my mental functions being what gave this morning's appearance (not just visual appearance) its shape.
Next to pondering the planet and its place in space-time; bending space, warping the areas around it to affect other objects (moon, satellites, etc.) - I just watched Interstellar last night... YOU MUST WATCH IT... so that might be why I went there, but I do often anyway. Then the sun and its massive size; its relationship with me and the ground on which I'm standing; its silent but inescapable physical effect on the materials I use to construct the perceptions of my immediate experience-interpretation. Thoughts of gravity. Sensations of gravity - I strangely felt less heavy; more capable of being taller, stretched.
Focus on awareness/consciousness of the aforementioned thoughts, mental experiments, sensations. What it is like to feel heaviness/lightness; what it is like to think of the phenomena of light and appearance (especially through my shallow knowledge-base of explaining it and using that knowledge to allow it to affect me in a different way than just "hey, it's sunny outside") what it is like to think of the solar system and my physical place in it; what it is like to connect my subjective moment with that physical place in space and time; what it is like to think of what it is like to think of the breath.
Breath again. Noticed the music again. Wonder how much my 5 minute cup of coffee experience just now was affected by what I was listening to. Convinced that it affected it a lot. Observing feelings of embarrassment that I'm getting all inspired about the sun and light and consciousness when it may be somewhat reliant on some pop group givin me the feel-goods.
Later, mindfully cut raw chicken to marinate. Feeling of knife through this thing that used to be if not "conscious" at least alive and sentient. Where did this chicken come from; what was its life like; what were the lives of those around it like; how far away was (were) the star(s) that forged the heavy elements that eventually became this meat and tendons; where will the materials go from here; how much like this raw meat is my body; what is it like to be the same (chopped meat that transforms endlessly from one form of matter to another) while maintaining a slight feeling of eternal stillness and oneness in my just thinking of it?
I would want encouragement if I just tried for 30 min and felt like 20 took forever, so... Keep it up, be proud of your 20 or at least own your 20 as a step toward 30; after 30... FOREVER!
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Post by Admin on Jan 23, 2016 19:06:52 GMT
Also, forgot...
yesterday I totally over-ate and had several beers and a glass of wine earlier in the day, so yeah... there was a rock in my stomach by the end of the day. Did it on pseudo purpose to compare to the mindful day I had before. The feeling sucked, but the insight was awesome today. As I felt better after I woke up today, I noticed on day 1 (mindful day) i had drives that were different than usual and on day 2 (engorged day) I let myself follow the much more familiar sense-oriented drives of food or intoxication. today feel closer to day 1 and have enjoyed contemplating the contrast. my feeling sense-driven has been well-engrained as a lifestyle trait from probably most of my childhood and adulthood (there was a time as a child I remember desiring to be Good, praying/talking to God a lot without a format or much expectation, trying to meditate on nothingness, feeling the newness of experience without counterintuitive self-talk). This experience of being "driven" to alleviate my compulsion to be "satisfied" is new and exciting. Starting to feel more powerful than before. "Drive" to be less compulsively/automatically "driven" to do (really to "consume") this or that feels like a "new drug" as my dad would say. Like something closer to what it is to be a person without numbing myself by the miracle of the senses/sense-expectant-experience and instead to appreciate the condition of senses without the attachment to them; the reliance on them to feel worth and life - after all, the overindulgence in them leads to a deadening of my life and I often overindulge.
From this point, I am trying not to attach myself too much to the desire to severe attachment to the senses and sense-expectorant behavior, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that are so automatic. instead, attempting to remain open to the fluctuations of the expectation-reality interplay. Feeling "motivated" rather than "driven" i guess, although there is something about "driven" that implies a new trait or reflexive way of being; aiming toward a new automatic.
Is this getting to theoretical for this thread? I do't mind, but wondering if you had a preference for keeping this one open for just more concise journaling.
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Post by Sindder Streg on Jan 23, 2016 22:26:12 GMT
Tight moments of mindfulness yo! Wow really impressive and fun to think about. I'm glad you had these thoughts. Thankful even. Inspired my own bout of mindfulness.
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Post by Sindder Streg on Jan 23, 2016 23:38:38 GMT
I think introspection is a part of meditation. It isn't abstract theory. It's based on your experience. That's my opinion anyway.
Continuing from my bout of mindfulness earlier, trying to gain insight into the nature of reality:
I wonder what anything really is. A thing seems to be tied up in the organ used to experience it and my experieice of it. None of which I feel are it. The triangle of being. Thing-organ-consciousness. Reality seems more like a process than a thing.
What reality is if you don't experience it is an interesting question. My instinct is to think there isn't a reality without a being to experience it. Some science would probably disagree some might agree. Using mindfulness, I can see that the chair in front of me is a thought if I'm not experiencing the chair with the 5 senses. Leading me to believe there is no reality without experience. I could perhaps stretch my mind to think the Void behind reality is sentient. If I do so I am magically swept away in this experience we call life! Beauty be Her name!
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Post by Admin on Jan 24, 2016 0:05:17 GMT
I love that! The triangle of being... (tri-ontol-angle of us-ness? uuuh, ok... never-mind). At any rate, totally agree that it makes so much sense to see reality as being a process. Something I have been hoping to explore in the last couple of years. Been reading the article "Conscious Realism and the Mind-Body Problem" by Donald D. Hoffman. He discusses the multimodal user interface (MUI) theory to denounce the hypothesis of faithful depiction (HFD) theory which addresses a lot of concerns with the balance of objective materialism and subjective idealism that you might enjoy (free pdf through google)... ok, definite abstract theory, but fun!
The types of statements that you made are exactly why I love using words like "co-create" and "co-construct" when referring to the interplay between the physical world and my mental representations and memories of it - it also comes straight out of my brief love affair with post-modern thought and post-modernism's influence on the type of therapy I found myself having an affinity for.
The Void being sentient... my jury's still out. God? Maybe. Convenient for us Christians to think of it that way and sort of reconcile lots of different world views, but that also feels like I'm cramming a square peg in a round hole and then just shearing the excess edges off. Some scientists are actually full on for the Void-is-sentient view though. Along with Hoffman, see Hagelin.
Love it, good chat.
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Post by Sindder Streg on Jan 24, 2016 14:48:20 GMT
1/24/16 8am Motionlessness
Calmest I've ever been. Found a secret to calmness – happy thoughts! I was sitting still, found a balance, observing emotions and thoughts and where my attention was. I was sitting in the bedroom as usual but Luke was watching TV. Kath was putting on another show and upbeat music came on and out of service channel. I knew that thinking happy thoughts, using my imagination would generate and affinity connected to sitting. My thoughts then turned to memories of emotions in college. I can only call how I felt in combination with, or reaction to, hollow emotions in these memories, compassion. Just letting them be. I felt happy now. I can't remember feeling like this in a long time. My thoughts drag down my emotions and my emotions drag down my thoughts. The cycle was fuel for my addiction. I'm happy, now! I can hardly believe it! Posture started to destabilize as timer went off.
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Post by Admin on Jan 24, 2016 19:30:34 GMT
Wow, awesome experience!
I like hearing the detail of what's around you and how you allowed it to be while you responded internally to it.
"Memories of emotions" is something I think I feel a little deficient in. I am working on that to more clear way to enrich my memory/narrative by recalling emotional memory (associated with the right hemisphere and called "autobiographical memory" in the therapeutic approach that I love so much called Interpersonal Neurobiology) as I recall factual memory (the dryer, purely historical function of memory associated with the left hemisphere) to weave a fuller story to reflect on as I hold my own view of my self and life at arm's length to really observe it (to observe with non-attachment).
What did you mean by thoughts/emotions reciprocally dragging each other? Did you mean that happened today or that happened during college? What addiction was that cycle fueling?
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Post by Sindder Streg on Jan 24, 2016 23:29:57 GMT
Well it's not an exact science, but I saw how my thoughts and emotions fed each other, in my case in the negative. I'd feel bad so I'd have negative thoughts, self talk, etc. then that negativity just fed me emotionally. So I just kinda bottled it all up and drank it away. I feel that's it's been running since college days, maybe before. Drinking was such a relief to this, it made me feel normal. Then I got to where I'd have hangovers constantly and I'd hate myself for that and seek relief in booze. Etc etc.
I'm hoping through meditation to reverse the process into the positive. Positive psychology or something. Self compassion, etc etc.
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